Just rants.

2009-12-04T14:48:00.002+08:00

I hate it that I don't trust you like how I should.

Why am I so doubtful?

Why am I delving in pessimism?

Why do I jump to conclusions whenever something happens?

I love you, more than you'll ever know. But just give me time to break free from the pessimism and the doubt.

Continue to love me and mold me and I promise I'll make you the happiest man on earth.

But for now, just bear with me, please?

The Greatest Relationships

2009-11-24T00:09:00.001+08:00

The greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in. The ones that swept you off your feet and challenged your ever view. The ones where you found yourself to be a better person because of who you were when he was around. The ones that made you wake up with a smile on your face no matter how corny it was. The ones that made everything right when it was wrong. the ones that caused you physical pain to leave because leaving meant losing a part of yourself.

The greatest relationships are the ones you’ll always remember not because of their length, but because of who you were with. The ones where the memories make you want to laugh when you’re crying. The ones that make you believe that god exists, because no one else could have created someone so amazing. The ones that cause you to change for the better, even if you don’t realize it. the ones where you know you’re being honest with yourself, so much it hurts.

The greatest relationships are the ones where he called you lame and you just rolled your eyes because you knew he was kidding. The ones where you were comfortable around him because you knew he’d love you no matter what. The ones where love seemed to be the only answer. The ones that made you compromise because it was something you knew you wanted to last. The ones where you accepted what he did because you just wanted to see him happy.

The greatest relationships are the ones that changed your life. The ones that made you rethink your future because you knew it’d be better with him. The ones where you felt like your forever had finally appeared. The ones that made you question the ending. The ones that told you to push through the problems because eventually it would be better again. The ones where you broke your heart and his for his good, even when you couldn’t explain without breaking a rule.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you care more about his happiness then you do about your own. The ones where you do what you do for his future, even if it means wrecking your present. The ones where you tell yourself to walk in the opposite direction, because you know there are just some things you can’t do. The ones when you cry not because it’s over, but because you know you lost not only him, but your best friend too.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you’ll thank him for being a part of your life, no matter how short. The ones where you’ll never forget him because he helped shape your view on love. The ones where you’ll always be there for him, whether or not he’ll accept that. The ones where he put up with your crap when he didn’t have to. The ones where your last tribute to him was doing something he never thought you’d do - and loving it.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you’ll always love him, even when he’s forgotten all about you. The ones where you’re changed forever because of him. The ones that you will always smile about because while they were flawed, they were still amazing. The ones where you fought what you knew was going to happen because you couldn’t quite come to terms with losing him. the ones that remind you love lost is better than never having loved at all.

fuck.

2009-11-22T18:54:00.002+08:00

I really can't describe everything that i'm feeling right now.

You said you didn't want my parents to not like you anymore. So I went out and I did my thing. And my mum asked for you to come and help with the Christmas decorations. I told you how important this was to me.

I told you how much it meant to me and my family.

You said you'd leave there at around 5 ++, but lo and behold. You're staying there until 7.30 to chit chat with your rugby friends, when you NEVER used to before.

Why this sudden change? Why this sudden interest in being their friend? Why this, today?

This might just be the changing thing behind all the problems we have. But from the looks of it, its like you don't even care about anything. You say one thing and do another. I feel so confused and lost. I'm trying so hard not to get angry.

You know, the Tim I once knew, wouldn't do something like this to me. I don't know what to do, or who you are anymore. I'm losing you by the day.

A part of me wants to carry on and try to work this. Another part of me is tired of ALWAYS being the one trying to keep us together. You SAY you want this to work, but you do something else. Do you even give a damn at all?

And what sucks is that I love you so much. It's a sin, a deathly draining feeling.

I think I'm really just not going to care anymore, I'm just going to go on and do my own thing.

Your mum advised me to. So I shall.

So so so tired...

2009-11-20T16:21:00.001+08:00

All your empty promises.

2009-11-20T14:01:00.002+08:00

Yesterday.

I cried like I have never cried before.
For my worst fear almost came true. I swear I thought it was going to be the end. The end of something so beautiful. The end of us.

Words really cannot describe how much what you said hurt me. That you thought leaving me would be the only way to solve the problems we're facing now. In fact, I think it will only make it worse. It will end up killing me.

You being gone from my life is just not possible. How can you say that we could only be friends? how can you carry on knowing that we can't kiss or hug anymore.

I wonder why my parents have to make things so difficult for me sometimes.

But you're such a perfect person. Thinking of that compromise. Thinking that I should spend more time with my family. To salvage our relationship.

You're a lot more mature than they give you credit for. And that's why I love you so much.

Above all, I'm glad we're still together. Although you said this is our last chance. I refuse to give up on us. I refuse to let you leave me.

I refuse to spend my life without you.

I love you, so much.

V

2009-11-18T22:36:00.001+08:00

But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace soubriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona. Voila! In view humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the “vox populi” now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin, van guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
Verily this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V.

Rugby

2009-09-28T21:05:00.003+08:00

You know, after watching a Rugby game, I look at soccer and can't help but laugh.

When you see those soccer players fall over after being bumped over. While in Rugby, these guys get mauled and they can still stand there and only leave the field with cuts and bruises.

And no people, its not about size. Some Rugby players are as small as soccer players.

Final conclusion,

Be a MAN, play RUGBY.

Maybe

2009-09-28T20:35:00.002+08:00

I hate that I find fault in the smallest things.

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive

Maybe I'm just selfish that way

Maybe I'm just so undeserving of you.

But just know that I love you so much. And although I do or say things that are hurtful, I really do love you. From the bottom of my heart.

I can't imagine my life without you.

I need you.

2009-09-27T19:53:00.002+08:00

Oh and just to add one to that...

I downloaded a rugby game so you could discuss it with me and explain to me the game after you were freshly pumped from training. I really thought you'd come back...

I shouldn't be so optimistic next time huh?

sigh...

this home run is turning to a penalty...

2009-09-27T19:49:00.002+08:00

you know, even if I was so fucking tired...

i'd still come see you if you asked me to.

next time i'll make sure I follow you, so you'll come back with me. Even though I'd be so bored there just watching. At least I know, you'd come back to see me.

and that's my plan from now onwards...

2009-09-27T00:20:00.002+08:00

I'm glad that I didn't stay home today.

I love every moment with you. Really. From the cuddles to the kisses, to our "list" hehe

Followed by the little get-together at Ryan's.

Sure it wasn't much of a soirée but we three made it good. And didn't Ryan's geeetar skeelz sound fab? Hahaha

I'm supposed to be saving money... but you know... haha things are just really expensive.

kiss me, baby

2009-09-26T12:40:00.003+08:00

It's just another one of those days.

Those days when I feel like I wanna spend a bit of it with my family. And you got upset.

And now I sit and wait in wonder,

what's happening to us?

Love

2009-09-25T17:53:00.000+08:00

Love is a many splendor thing...

2009-08-22T23:05:00.002+08:00

I JUST THOUGHT YA'LL SHOULD KNOW.

According to http://www.friendshipstats.com

I have 811 friends, 691 more than average.

42% are male, 58% are female.

293 are single, 259 are dating or married.

If I contracted a deadly variant of flu, I would likely infect 16 people, 2 of whom would die.

When I share something on Facebook, it is typically viewed by 42 people.

If I died today, an estimated 706 people would try to attend my funeral.

Based on my Facebook profile, I have a 96% probability of getting married.

I am likely to earn US$2.7 million and have 2.8 children over my lifetime.

Calculate your own stats at http://www.friendshipstats.com.

I'll stay awake for you <3

2009-08-17T17:41:00.002+08:00

With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,
I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do.
You're an angel disguised.

And you're lying real still,
but your heart beat is fast just like mine. (;D)
And the movie's long over,
that's three that have passed, one more's fine. (hehe)

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

I'm trying real hard not to shake. I'm biting my tongue,
but I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take,
I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival.

And if it's a hero you want,
I can save you. Just stay here.
Your whispers are priceless.
Your breathe, it is dear. So please stay near.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

Say my name. I just want to hear you.
Say my name. So I know it's true.
You're changing me. You're changing me.
You showed me how to live.
So just say. So just say,

That you'll stay awake for me.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything

The Dawn of Times

2009-08-11T13:42:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I really want to fast-forward like 5-7 years. I'll be around 24-26?
I'll be an adult. I'll be independant, I'll be working and living on my own. I'll be engaged? Married? Maybe not too soon. Probably engaged.

I'll have a stable income, more bills to pay, parties to go to and shoes to buy.

It all sounds so fun and interesting. But at the same time, its scary.

But I can't deny that I'm looking forward to it. To my new beginning, to the start of Clarissa Glass.

fo'real ;D

2009-08-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

you're my happily ever after <3

2009-07-19T17:23:00.000+08:00

It's the way that you blush when you're nervous
It's your ability to make me earn this.
I know that you're tired,
Just let me sing you to sleep.

It's about how you laugh out of pity
'Cause let's be honest, I'm not really that funny
I know that you're shy,
Just let me sing you to sleep.

If you need anything,
Just say the word, I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze
Then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is closed.

It's those pills that you don't need to take,
Medicating perfection, now that's a mistake.
I know that you're spent,
Just let me sing you to sleep.

It's your finger, and how I'm wrapped around it
It's your grace, and how it keeps me grounded
I know that you're weak,
Just let me sing you to sleep.

If you need anything,
Just say the word, I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze
Then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is closed.

While you were sleeping,
I figured out everything:
I was constructed for you,
And you were molded for me.

Now I feel your name.
Coursin' through my veins.
You shine so bright, it's insane.
You put the sun to shame.

If you need anything,
Just say the word, I mean anything. (I really do)
Rest assured, if you start to doze
Then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is closed.

If you need anything,
Just say the word, I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze
Then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklace is closed.

brown eyes <3

2009-06-28T23:47:00.000+08:00

Remember the first day when I saw your face
Remember the first day when you smiled at me
You stepped to me and then you said to me
I was the woman you dreamed about
Remember the first day when you called my house
Remember the first day when you took me out
we had butterflies although we tried to hide
and we both had a beautiful night

The way we held each others hand,
the way we talked, the way we laughed
it felt so good to find true love
I knew right then and there you were the one
ohhhhhh,

I know that he loves me cause told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
When he stares at me you see he cares for me
You see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause its me he trust
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell it so

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed
Remember the first day we had an argument
we apologized and then we compromised
and we've haven't argued since
Remember the first day we stopped playing games
Remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words
cause I felt the same way too

The way we held each other's hands,
the way we talked, the way we laughed
it felt so good to fall in love
and I knew right there and then that you were the one

I know that he loves cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
When he stares at me you see he cares for me
You see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause it's obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trust
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell it so

I'm so happy, so happy that your in my my life
and baby now that your apart of me
you've showed me
showed me the true meaning of love(the true meaning of love)
and I know he loves me

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
When he stares at me you see he cares for me
You see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause it's obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trust
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell it so

2009-06-20T00:05:00.002+08:00

Today was amazing,
We finally went out on a "date" after so long haha
The movie was fantastic, your company was even better.

Oh and did I mention that subway is always awesome-r when you're eating with me? My monster <3

Walking around in Vivo was awesome too. Those amazing pair of red shoes from Aldo... I want ):
I must save up $115 for it! Yes I can! Woot.

I loved cuddling with you too ;D

I love you babe, forever <3

Sigh...

2009-06-17T19:53:00.002+08:00

You know, when you say you'll always be there for me, I don't want it to just be words you say to make me happy for the moment.
Being there for me also does not only mean being there to communicate, it means making it easier for me to cope.
It means helping me out with my family, coming over when I can't see you.

You were like that before, what happened?

You said you'd play at 6, but what happened? You love doing that don't you, making my hopes high then crashing them down again.

You said you'd see me today, but did you even bother? No, you didn't.

I don't know what's going to happen,

am I losing you already?

fur-real?

2009-06-16T11:37:00.004+08:00

What really gets me ticking are these people who claim to be animal enthusiasts but end up just walking and contradicting themselves.

You see, I had a text this morning from a friend saying: "My family is boycotting Ikea"
So me, getting all upset because I work there, ask: "Why?"
He later replies: "Because they sell sheepskin and wolfskin"

Now you see, me on the other hand, is against the China fur-trade. So I went and searched, googled and traced if we really did sell wolfskin. I found nothing. So I texted him back saying, we indeed do not sell wolfskin but yes we do sell sheepskin and cowhide.

This leads me to my other arguement, the skin and hide you see at Ikea are just by-products of the meat itself. And if you ask me, if the killing of the animal is going to stop, I will say, No.
Unlike, mink, seal, fox and all other furry animals who's fur gets ripped off from them and their bodies thrown away. Cow and sheeps meat do not get thrown away.

They're what's inside your Whopper, Lambchops, Satay...

So the lesson learned today is, 1) get your facts right before boycotting a company. If there's a company you really want to boycott then it'll probably be Burger King or something.
2) Don't go acting all environment friendly when the meat you're having there on the table is a steak or a chop.

The day that you become a vegan or a vegetarian, is the day that, I feel, you have every right to diss other people about hides and skin. Till that day, enjoy your meat and keep your greasy burger mouths shut.

2009-06-15T16:31:00.002+08:00

I've been bugging people to blog lately. I need reading material.
But I thought to myself, hey why not I blog something worthwhile instead of waiting for people to blog.
But lo' and behold, there is nothing quite worthwhile to blog about.

Well, I had my P3 submission today, submitted on time, with all my paperwork, just lacking my storyboard because I left it at home.

I have my acting thing on wednesday after my SIP briefing.
I need to get all my paper work done.
Hopefully by tmr.

Who shall I be?
Satine from Moulin Rouge?
Dory from Finding Nemo?
Well I guess I'll have to do research and see who I can do.

Loving You

2009-06-13T00:36:00.000+08:00

I Want To Spend My Lifetime Loving You

Moon so bright, night so fine
Keep your heart here with mine
Life's a dream we are dreaming

Race the moon, catch the wind
Ride the night to the end
Seize the day, stand up for the light

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do

Heroes rise, heroes fall
Rise again, win it all
In your heart, can't you feel the glory?

Through our joy, through our pain
We can move worlds again
Take my hand, dance with me

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do
I will want nothing else to see me through
If I could spend my lifetime loving you

Though we know we will never come again
When there is love, life begins
Over and over again

Save the night, save the day
Save your love, come what may
Love is worth everything we pay

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do
I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do
I will want nothing else to see me through
If I can spend my life time loving you

2009-05-31T00:35:00.001+08:00

I came to you one rainless August night.

You taught me how to live without the rain.

You are thirst and thirst is all I know.

You are sand, wind, sun, and burning sky,

The hottest blue. You blow a breeze and brand

Your breath into my mouth. You reach—then bend

Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

You wrap your name tight around my ribs

And keep me warm. I was born for you.

Above, below, by you, by you surrounded.

I wake to you at dawn. Never break your

Knot. Reach, rise, blow, Sálvame, mi dios,

Trágame, mi tierra. Salva, traga, Break me,

I am bread. I will be the water for your thirst.

by Benjamin Alire Saenz

200th Post!

2009-05-25T11:34:00.002+08:00

Well looks like we've come really far haven't we?
My venting pot for all of societys doings or lack of in most cases.
My easel to show my love. To show my pain. To show all sorts of emotions.

Yes this goes out to you my blog. For serving me these many years. For our 200 posts together. For the stagnant times and for the times when every day had something meaningful to say.

Thank you for being there.

I'm anticipating my coming weeks. I anticipate them packed to the brim with things to do. Filming, Editing, Production Package... all so tiring. But I have my strength rooting me on (:

It'll be out 4th month soon. How fast time flies huh?
I love you so much.
<3

2009-05-21T16:46:00.002+08:00

how do you breathe
when every gasp feels like the pulling of a thousand weights
how do you move
when your lifeforce is slowly being drained out from your system
how do you find a reason to live
when it crushes unbearingly against your shoulders
how do you stop yourself from crying
when the tears just keep flowing down your cheeks

make the ache stop... please?

This Raging War

2009-05-21T13:03:00.002+08:00

It's so difficult to please everyone. So much so, that I have to fight against the feelings of myself. Trying to think of ways to make both parties happy.
My Parents vs. My Boyfriend.
The amount of times I have had to turn him down just because I want to make my parents happy. Would you call me selfish for doing that? Even if the reason why I did it was to have a good relationship with my parents.
Or what about the times that I've gone against them just to make my boyfriend happy. Those times I've given in just so that there can be a balance. So that I can make everyone happy.

But no one knows this. Not till now. Not till now that it hurts so much inside that I have to say no to Tim... that I can feel his pain. That I have to stand up for my parents and find reasons so that he can understand where they're coming from.
Although he says he understands... I know that deep down inside he hurts. But he doesn't know that I am hurting too. Given the chance, I'd want to spend every single moment with him. But presently that would be impossible.
And as much as I want to make him happy. I don't want to keep arguing with my parents. I don't want to keep getting lectured. I don't want them to think lowly of me.

But who knows this? who knows of my pain?
who knows of this raging war that I have to go through within myself.

The pain now, it burns.
But I have to put on my smile, wipe the tears that defiantly form
and carry on being strong.

How long will this last?
How long can I last?

before the pain leaves me weak...

Pieces

2009-05-02T23:41:00.003+08:00

Sometimes in life, you find that someone who completes you in a way that you never thought possible. So well fitted together, like two pieces of a jigsaw which were meant to be together. This makes me realize why it never worked with anyone else. It's like when you try to fit two pieces of a jigsaw that are not meant to be together. You think it fits because the two pieces look like it can be put together, but when you actually put them side by side, you realize that they don't fit at all. Which leads you off again, to find your matching piece.

This is how I feel now, when I used I used to try so hard to prove myself to someone, so they'll like me or notice me. Or how I used to push my own feelings aside just so that I can make the other party happy with the hopes that he'll make me happy too. Little did I know that I was forcing two wrong pieces of the jigsaw together. And no matter how hard you try, if they don't match, it means they don't match. You can cut or trim the pieces to fit. That just isn't right.

So now that I've found my other piece, I feel a sense of relief. I stand in awe as I hear the sound of the two pieces "click" together and merge into such a beautiful way to make a magnificent picture.

The picture of you and me <3

Someone to watch over me (:

2009-04-30T11:01:00.000+08:00

There's a saying oh says that love is blind

Still we are often told seek and ye shall find

So I'm going to go seek a certain lad I had

In Mind

Looking everywhere

Haven't found him yet

He's a big affair

I can not forget

Only Man I ever think of with regret

I like to add his initial to my monogram

Tell Me

Where is the shepherd for this lost lamb

There's a somebody I'm longing to see.

I hope that he turns out to be

someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood

I know I could be always be good

To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some

Girls think of as handsome,

To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed,

follow my lead,

Oh, How I need

Someone one to watch over me

{Instrumental}

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed,

Follow my lead,

Oh, How I need

Someone to watch over Me

Someone To Watch Over Me . .

Come rain or come shine (:

2009-04-29T22:38:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna love you like nobody's loved you
Come rain or come shine
High as a mountain, an' deep as a river
Come rain or come shine

<3

Love; reprise

2009-04-27T19:47:00.002+08:00

If I could have a penny for everytime I thought about you, I'd be swimming in my million pennies.

I have flashbacks sometimes of that first time. Borders, the movie.
Everything was so perfect, yet so awkward, yet to innocently sparking what we have right now.
The first time I saw you at Borders, with your hair all sexy the way I like it, smelling like heaven. Your smile so welcoming. Your embrace so warm. All this leaves me feeling all soft inside.
Then to our quick dinner at BK, our small little conversations, getting to know each other. My cautious steps so I wouldnt fall.
Everything just to impress the perfection that you were (still are).
The movie, the stress of not being able to get in.
Our nice seats in the corner. The snuggling, although so subtle, so apparent at the same time.
When you first held my hand, the shock, surprise; sent instant shivers down my spine. Warm, soft hands, the slow, gentle caressing.

I remember it all. All the little details. Everything.

You amaze me even with your imperfections <3

Amazingly amusing.

2009-04-26T00:47:00.003+08:00

Lol, when I came back home today, I was amused by this little girl.
This little girl, assumed that I felt threatened by her friendship with Tim. Lol, silly little girl.
This silly little girl also assumed that I was trying to get at her. Sorry, little girl, I've got better things to do in life than to waste my time on easy little girls like you.
This silly little girl is also living in this fairytale world of hers where she thinks that she and Tim are really good friends. Its even more amusing that Tim does not share this same thinking as her. Poor little girl; you really need to stop living this facade, before you hurt yourself.
Oh you stupid little girl, why would I ever feel that you could ever be ABLE to take Tim away from me, afterall, he has not even seen you before. And you sly little girl, how dare you say that you could have had him a long time ago if you wanted to. You need to stop mocking me little girl, didnt your mother ever tell you not to play with fire?
You'll be burnt little girl, burnt so bad you don't even want to live with the scars.
You're such an unfortunate little girl to have picked the wrong girl to mess with. Luckily I'm more forgiving lately.
All I need to do is give a couple of phone calls little girl, and you're gone, gone, gone...
But I can't be bothered, I'd rather play with someone who can actually stand up and fight.

Oh and little girl, you said you have a boyfriend? I wonder if you've even met him before ;D

Silly, silly little girl.

neglected

2009-04-17T14:19:00.003+08:00

when I need you the most right now, to talk, to vent, to cry to.
you're sleeping.

what happened to you'll always be there for me?

i'll have to go through this myself.
and whats worse is that i cant see you today. because my mum wants to talk to me and my sister in the evening and doesnt want you over.

whats gonna happen to us?

RACIST CONTENT

2009-04-17T01:01:00.000+08:00

[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
I hate indians
Ryan says:
rofl me too
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
they have no pride
they ask me for discounts at ikea
and i'm like "you think i own the fucking comany is it?"
and they can still say "please la, you're so pretty"
and i'm like O.O
I DONT JOKE
i actually had a customer who said that
i didnt know whether i wanted to rofl or call security
Ryan says:
:/
say thanks
lol
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
thickfuckingskin
and they come in MULTITUDES
like mum dad
4 kids
grandmother
grand fater
father*
uncle
Ryan says:
rofl
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
auntie
brother in law
brother in laws wife
brother in laws kids
brother in laws mother
and BECAUSE of this
the whole of ikea become very dark
becomes*
Ryan says:
hahhahaha
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
and did i mention the checkered shirts dress pants and slippers?
oh and the HAIR
its like
Ryan says:
ROFL
the smell?
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
EVERYWHERE
THE SMELLL
omg
i literally had to hold my breath talking to them
and i dont know why but they all like to surround me
like i'm talking to the brother inlaws wifes brother
Ryan says:
hahaha
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
and the father
mother
brother
kids
uncle
all stand around me
and i'm standing there in the middle
while they all gaggle around me
and i'm like
>.>
<.<
LET ME OUT OF THE BLACK HOLEEEEE
Ryan says:
rofl
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
i know i'm being fucking racist now
but i dont give two skits
shits*
and they're so cheap
they want the BEST quality items
and the lowest possible price
Ryan says:
rofl
chill
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
one guy had a cheek to ask me, whats your best mattress
so i pointed him to this really awesome mattress, queen size costs about 1.2k
he goes there
sits on it
"this is no good" -shakes head-
walks to the other mattress costing like 299 for queen
and says "yes this is good"
Ryan says:
rofl
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
but hes fucking sinking into it
and i'm like trying to explain that for his height and weight he needs a better matress
Ryan says:
he likes
soft
can shake during sex
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
EEEEEEEEEEEE
OMG
OMG
EEEEEEEEEEE
you know those with turbans right?
do they take it off during sex?
like
imagine all the hair
the womans hair
his hair
Ryan says:
haha
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
its like everywhere you turn you'll be like 'ouch my hair"
and their privates!
omg
they cant cut right?
it'll be like the freaking amazing jungle
Ryan says:
nop
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
amazon*
look i cant even type
Ryan says:
rofl
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
and out of the massive bush
you see this tiny cock
omg so depressing
Ryan says:
rofl
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
"honey where is it?"
"where is what?"
"your cock?"
"its there!"
"cant find it"
-pushes hair down-
-tiny cock emerges from the dense undergrowth-
Ryan says:
rofl shut up
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
hahahahahaaha
its the truth!
my ex was indian okay
I KNOW
THESE THINGS I NEVER LIE
Ryan says:
LOL
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
he was so small
i could deep throat him without even gagging
RAWR
i'm such a bitch
Ryan says:
:/
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
he deserves it anyway
lawl
well i feel better now
hahahaha
i'm gonna sleep
i needed to vent
if not i
i;ll dream of them
and thats not good
Ryan says:
rofl
ok
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
i dont want to see darkness during my dream
i want it to be BRIGHT
and cheery
Ryan says:
lo
lol
shut u
p
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
you're enjoying this please!
hahahaa
Ryan says:
nah im playing wow
hahahah
[ Clarissa And I whisper that I love you, as you fold out of your clothes ] says:
you're as racist as me
maybe worse
hahahha
maybe you have a thing against white people too
LAWL
Ryan says:
:/

Perfect Day

2009-04-14T10:33:00.002+08:00

I was fretting last night
lost out in the cold
couldn't see the light
then he opened up the door
I came in from the dark
fell into his arms
just in time
now I know that I have
left the past behind
I let it go
You could tell me tonight
that maybe the world would end
that the sun wouldn't rise it
and was gonna rain again
just as long as he’s in my arms
it’s gonna be a perfect day
There’s a look in his eyes
makes me feel alright
that lights the perfect sky
that I couldn't see before
that he helped me to find
now that I’ve seen his shine
I know I'll never be alone
’cause now I know that
I have love I can't deny
won't let it go
I lost you in another life
a part of me that I left behind
I won't go on without you
and now I know
that I have put the past behind
I let it go
You could tell me tonight
that maybe the world would end
that the sun wouldn't rise
and it was gonna rain again
just as long as he’s in my arms
it’s gonna be a perfect day
it's gonna be a perfect day...

ILOVEYOU<3

2009-04-13T12:25:00.001+08:00

I think i'm long overdue for a party.

I want to go for a party.

RAWRRRROOOXXORRRXX

2009-04-11T01:27:00.002+08:00

and no matter how angry I get, or annoyed you make me sometimes.
I keep falling in love with you.
all over again <3

I LOVE YOU BABEH <3

Racism

2009-04-11T00:09:00.002+08:00

I cannot deny the fact that I'm disappointed in you.
The fact that you pulled humor at such a biased situation makes me question your maturity.
The fact that you said "wah indian lady got owned", to something such as that makes me feel upset that you have taken this racist "fight" you have too far.
yes we all make racist comments, but everyone is human and that woman did not deserve to be treated that way.
in a society such as Singapore, where the majority is chinese, there is bound to be multitudes of racist scenarios which shouldn't, in my opinion, be adressed lightly and in such a joking manner.

maybe its because you age and dislike for a certain indian lady that has made you become like this.
but the Timothy I love is a mature young man who knows his morals and knows whats right and what's wrong.
Tonight you make me question your maturity. Maybe you are still, no matter what, young at heart and lack the othercentered-ness to see the cruelty of such a situation. Or like I said earlier, it might have been your distaste for a certain indian individual that has sparked off your never ending racist fued with indians.

All races have their pros and cons.
I think its about time you learnt that.

-C

2009-04-09T14:59:00.000+08:00

sigh...

what's going on?

THAT;

2009-04-07T12:14:00.002+08:00

you know what I really love?
its that our families somehow know each other.
that your cousin knows my cousin.
that your family seems really eurasian and I can relate to that.
that you're catholic and we can go to church together.
that I'm so involved with every aspect of your life, from your school, to your friends and most importantly, to your family.
that I can tease and joke around with Taff.
that I can have girly talks with Tiff.
that I can hug your mum and she'll hug me back.
that you can sleep over at my house and BOTH our mothers don't mind (lawl)

but most importantly,
that you really do love me and I can see that you really want me to be happy.
much like how I want you to be happy too.

ily baby <3

let's grow old and wrinkly together (:

ily

2009-04-02T01:21:00.002+08:00

It's 1.21am, and I'm sitting here on my bed missing you like crazy.
I liked our talk just now, I love how I can tell you anything. How you're always there to listen to me whenever I have something. And you actually listen. You actually share your comments and make me feel like you really care; which you do anyway lol

Thanks for hearing me out just now. For letting me vent to you about the conversation with Pravin. For being mature about it and not getting angry, upset or jealous. For opening my eyes, letting me see that I should do whatever I want to do and not let anyone else tell me otherwise, especially him. You're right, what right does he have to give his 2cents worth right? What right does he have to say that he knows me better than you do.

Darling, its almost going to be 2 months, but it feels like we've been together for much longer. And honestly, what we've shared during the times we were together totally surpassed my time with anyone else.

You bring me to that higher level of understanding and happiness. All our memories forged so deeply in my mind. All our firsts, our special moments.

I love you baby, much more than I have ever loved anyone else (:

Rugby

2009-03-31T12:15:00.002+08:00

Hmmm, I was watching Rubgy videos on youtube today and I've never felt that amount of excitement while watching a sport.
When they all tackle into a rump and the ball somehow finds its way out.
The passes that the wingers make while making a try. The speed and the adrenaline rush. All so exhilerating.
I'll be going to Tim's games, see how its done, get the feel. And maybe I'll try it out.
Womens contact maybe?
Touch sounds a bit... I don't know, not as appealing? haha

Well see how it goes <3

I wanna be

2009-03-25T17:19:00.002+08:00

I wanna be the girl you call late at night
Said, I wanna be the first one at your door when you open your eyes
Wanna be the one you run to, wanna be the one who ain't gonna hurt you
I wanna be her, yeah I wanna be.

The girl making your guys jealous,
Boy, I wanna be the girl shuttin' down all the ladies
Whatever you need boy, its all on me
So tell me boy, coz I wanna be.

Can I be the one who meets your pops, and takes your momma out shoppin,
Be the only one they like.

Boy, I wanna be yours (:

Yup

2009-03-24T12:28:00.002+08:00

Cheers for my 180th post!

As most of you all know, I've been sick lately. My voice sounds like a pubescent male who's vocal box is just breaking. Oh well I'll be fine soon, I hope.
Just 3 more days and it'll all be over. I'm giving it my final burst of energy. Editing has been okay, sometimes I look at my FCP and I'm in awe that i've done all that.
Just 3 more days and i'm going to party, let me tell you. I'm gonna party like I have never partied before. But I need cash first hahaha I'm broke.

Hmm, so last night I had a really deep conversation with Tim. We talked about our past and our previous relationships. I think we both have skeletons in our closet that we both shared last night. I want him to know everything so he'll never be caught off guard.

I'm really enjoying what we have now. Its this bond that I have never felt before. Let's wait and see what the future has in store for us, yeah? (:

ily <3

I want you to need me

2009-03-22T22:59:00.002+08:00

I need you like water, like breath, like rain.
I need you like mercy from heavens' sky
There's a freedom in your arms, that carries me through
I need you

With you baby, I feel anything is possible.

Its so amazing that I've found my true soul-mate.

Its been only less than two months but it feels like I was born to love you.

I finally understand now, why it never worked with anyone else,

all the times I cried over boys whom I "loved", all the tears seem all worth it now that I have you, my baby.

On a heavier note, I'm sick. My voice is almost gone. My throat hurts. My nose is all clogged up. My chest is all heavy. I didn't go to work today, and guess what, I didn't get an MC. I'm pretty much screwed. Oh wells.

Timothy

2009-03-14T11:00:00.002+08:00

what is this?
this feeling that burns deep within me
this feeling that scorches my whole body, right down to my toes
this feeling that causes me to smile at myself, so overflowing with happiness

when I look at you I see someone I feel so strongly for
your eyes like a million diamonds smiling back at me
your smile, encased by the softest lips, never fail to make my day
to kiss away my fears, my weaknesses, my flaws
your arms, so strong and warm, they embrace me deep
when I am in your hug, I feel so close to you that I can reach your soul
your fingers, so skillful, always find their way to intertwine with mine

so what is this?
I'm sure, this is indeed, love.

Word Block

2009-03-11T12:35:00.002+08:00

I've been having word blocks lately. I think its true that I only blog when I'm upset or if I really have some issues to talk about.
I have brownies in the oven. I made them for Tim and for the crew today. We're all working so hard and the stress is really getting to us. Me as well. The submission of the first rough cut is drawing near and the editing is no where near done yet. Plus I have my CDI to worry about, the audio recording next next week. All very scary.

Now i'm sitting at home on my bed, counting down the time till I get to see Tim again. We have filming together again, this is all really fun. Spending so much time with him. Almost everyday!

Last night we were texting and having a somewhat deep conversation. About our pasts and about how I cheated on my ex and how I'm flirty... and how I don't trust myself because I get tempted really easily. I promised him that I'll never hurt him. I never want to. He's just too special, too perfect. He means just too much to me.

I love him, and I mean it.

Now I'm gonna wait for my brownies to be done, have a shower, pack my things and listen to Something Corporate <3

ily baby <3

Pisces vs Capricorn

2009-03-09T13:57:00.003+08:00

Capricorn Man & Pisces Woman
This is a good match for you that has the potential to become a long-term, happy love relationship. The Capricorn boy has a strong personality that is a good balance for you. He has a quiet confidence and a strong sense of where he’s going that is very attractive and reassuring for you. You feel secure with him, and you know that when he makes you a promise he will always follow through and keep it. He is not the most romantic person in the world, but the generous loving attention that you give him will make him open up a lot. He’ll enjoy learning to express his feelings more with you. It’s a good match that can really work out well for both of you.

Capricorn is drawn to Pisces like a moth to a flame. There is something about outgoing Pisces that Capricorn secretly admires.
Pisces is attracted to Capricorn subtle but powerful sex appeal. There will be an instant friendship and sexual relationship that will never get boring. Sexy Pisces will take Capricorn by surprise and he or she may want to skip work for a change. Capricorn will learn what it’s like to date the homecoming king/queen with Pisces. Pisces will provide emotional support and security during the highs and the lows and Capricorn must have this in a relationship. Sex will only get better and the relationship may lead to marriage. Try it out for yourselves. If Capricorn plays mind games, Pisces will swim away.
Pisces needs sexual satisfaction from any partner in love. And that includes you, Capricorn!

The zodiac match of a Capricorn man and a Pisces woman has all it takes to lead to long-term compatibility. His strong personality will be the perfect support for her fragile, vulnerable self. He will make her feel secured and in time, she will also help him come out of his shell and express his emotions. She will never ever try to dominate him and will be like the wife who stands behind her husband, as he conquers the whole world.

Pisces

2009-03-09T13:46:00.002+08:00

Pisces is the twelfth sign of the astrological year and is known by its astrological symbol, the Fish. Pisces natives are in touch with their emotions, though not to the point of mawkishness. With Neptune as the ruling planet, they are apt to be idealists. Pisces natives are physically and emotionally strong but may put their hardiness to the test if they try to resolve others' emotional conflicts.

The Pisces Woman
The Pisces woman is mysterious but not aloof. She possesses an ageless charm that is enthralling to those who know her. Her capacity for sympathy and her understanding make her stand out. Pisces women find their greatest fulfillment through personal relationships. Even when talented, they may not respect their gifts. Many Pisces women are self-conscious and need a stronger individual to bring out their best qualities.

The Pisces Lover
Pisces men and women have an idealistic view of love and romance. Because of their sensitivity, they often prefer a fairy tale scenario to the real thing. Pisces know their vulnerabilities and are sometimes afraid the magic "bubble" will burst. The Piscean individual who is deeply in love may sacrifice themselves for their lover.

The Pisces Friend
Friendship comes naturally to Pisceans. Their commitment to easing the pain of others often draws them to less fortunate individuals. But pity is not involved. Although they may seem weak or unfocused, they are sympathetic listeners. They have strong links to the past and are likely to keep the same friends for years. Also, because of their intense family ties, Pisces natives may count a sibling or other relative among their closest friends.

Pisces Information
Element: Water
Quality: Mutable
Planetary ruler: Neptune
Birthstone: Aquamarine
Flower: Water lily
Color: Violet
Key characteristic: Compassion
Strengths: Idealism, spirituality, transcendence
Challenges: Escapism, weakness, self-deception

The Piscean born on March 7th
A Pisces born on March 7 is among the most creative of the year. They are true visionaries. Although they may appear malleable, they have an ability to subjugate their ego to comprehend reality. They are empathetic. Their sensitivity can transcend relationships of all types and definition.

Friends and Lovers

Friends are indispensable to March 7 people. They collect friends the way other people collect art. In romance, they are not fickle. They often seek impossible love situations, realizing that they can learn more through suffering. They are likely to fall in love with love.

Children and Family

Those born on this date have strong ties to their background. Even if they transcend their beginnings, they are still bound to their childhood years. They make good parents. They have the sensitivity to understand their children's need to rebel. Their nurturing skills are based upon instinct.

Health

They may enjoy swimming or golf, but these people have difficulty remaining on a daily workout. They rely too heavily on medication. This can affect them negatively, since they have a sensitivity to drugs of any kind. The same goes for alcohol and nicotine.

Career and Finances

Because March 7 people love antiques and beautiful things, they seek careers in well-paying fields. They may have little sense of responsibility about money. This doesn't necessarily reflect bad judgment; they find it difficult to make objective financial decisions.

Dreams and Goals

People born on this date need to experience life through the prism of their creativity. The insights they gain may not always be immediately recognizable, even to them, yet in time they come to know their value. They do not need to receive worldly rewards to feel their efforts have been successful.

---

That was mighty enriching (:

After Tonight

2009-03-04T15:30:00.002+08:00

I look at you looking at me
Feels like a feeling meant to be
And as your body moves with mine
It's like I'm lifted out of time
And time again
Patiently I've waited
For this moment to arrive
After tonight
Will you remember
How sweet and tenderly
You reached for me and pulled me closer?
After you go
Will you return to love me
After tonight begins to fade?
I feel your touch caressing me
This feeling's all I'll ever need
With ev'ry kiss from your sweet lips
It's like I'm drifting out of time
Alone will tell
If you feel the way I feel
When I look in your eyes
After tonight (after tonight)
Will you remember
How sweet and tenderly
You reached for me and pulled me closer?
After you go (after you go)
Will you return to love me
After the night becomes the day?
Time and time and time again
(Time and time again)
So patiently I've waited
For this moment to arrive
After tonight (after tonight)
Oh, yeah, will you remember
How sweet and tenderly
You reached for me and pulled me closer?
After you go
Baby, will you return to love me
After the night becomes the day
After tonight begins to fade?

Because I'm in too deep

2009-03-04T11:52:00.003+08:00

I think its sad how I seem to blog only when I'm upset. I should change that. Because now I can honestly say that I'm the happiest person ever.

I love it how its all going so well.
But the little pessimist in me has to kick in and tell me to watch myself.
You know when they say that something is too good to be true, it usually is?
I just hope its not in this case.
Not that I'm doubting anything, you or us.
I just don't want to get hurt.
Not again.
Never again.

Because I think if I get hurt one more time, that will be the end of me. I don't think I'd be able to take it.
I know I won't be able to take it.

On another note, part of me wishes that I didn't go through your previous blog entries. I know its all in the past but it still itches at me. Maybe I'm just being silly. Yeah I am being silly. But that little green monster kicks in; Mr Jealousy.

Deep down inside I know you're true. I know you'd never hurt me.
But I think you need to blame it on all the other guys of my past who've made me pessimistic this way.
They, who have made me build up this wall which you are slowly breaking down. And as much as I want you to break down that wall to save me from my insecurites and pessimism, a small part of me wants a bit of that wall up. That wall which has been my pillar of strength for all the times when I had no one. That wall which I leaned on when my crying took away all my strength and will to live. That wall with cold hard stones, but still managed to keep me warm and hopeful at night when there was no one for me to turn to.

And now that wall which has been my friend for the longest time, is slowly crumbling away. And honestly, I'm getting a little scared.

Cest La Vie

2009-03-02T22:27:00.004+08:00

Tim <3

2009-02-21T00:14:00.002+08:00

I love you Timothy Cheang (:
with everything I have.
Every day with you is awesome, amazing, simply breath-taking.

You're this perfectly crafted gem, just for me. Your facets are all carved to fit into the grooves of my heart but you melt and you mould yourself around all the caverns of my heart (:

I love how you can make me laugh, and how adorable you are. You're playfulness makes me feel like a child again. How I miss the early innocence. But you bring that back, that youthful bliss.

I love how your scent wafts around me when we hug. Or how Clam smells of you after we go out. I cuddle Clams clothes now every night.

I just love you Tim, all of you. Every inch. <3

<3

2009-02-19T13:55:00.002+08:00

You know you're in love when you find that someone who completes you in ways that others have never been able to.
They fill you up and compliment you that you often wonder how you've ever lasted without them before. How you've survived... how you've even managed to live.

I'm so glad I've found you. The other piece to my heart and soul.

ily <3

In School

2009-02-17T09:36:00.002+08:00

Clarissa is in school.
She is feeling alot better, as compared to yesterday.
But she feels that she has let her group down. And she is sorry.
This months been crazy... so much to do, so many things happening, new beginnings.

I'm taking it all with a pinch of salt, take it one step at a time.

Going to church on Sunday with Tim was really awesome. It felt nice going to church again, going for salt. All the welcoming I had kinda made me wonder why I left in the first place.

I never thought i'd be active in church together with a boyfriend, since none of them were catholic. Or even christian for that matter. But now with Tim, I feel that this is going to be good.

I was also thinking how God has a funny way of working. I feel that somehow this was all planned. If not how could it be so perfect, no?
Things are going all so well, so smoothly... This feeling is genuine and for once in a long time, I feel completed, sewn and fixed.

Its as if God has heard my prayers and the prayers of my Grandma, asking for a catholic boyfriend. Someone whom I can share my culture and religion with. Someone whose character is almost alike to mine, who shares the same interest, who is as hopeless a romantic as I am.

I don't think things will get worse, I think they'd only get better (:

ily babe <3

(:

2009-02-15T16:52:00.000+08:00

I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i wanna do, is grow old with you

I'll get you medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
So, it could be so nice growing old with you,....

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh I could be the girl that grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you.

ily <3

2009-02-12T16:58:00.002+08:00

Thought I'd do a quick post before getting ready for work.

I'm tired, my brain aches and I don't want to do budgeting. But thats part of my role. So i'd still have to do it -whinewhinewhine-

I enjoyed yesterday very very much.
Just being with you watching the movie, cuddling up with you. You holding me when I felt cold. Me falling asleep! haha
Its amazing how well it is going. Its amazing how comfortable I feel with you. How I find joy even in the smallest things you do.
How you're trying so hard. How sweet you are. How you have no inhabitions about me.
How you're so proud of me, like I'm this treasure which you want to show off to the world.

We'll work out, babe. I know it (:

Laughing in Paragraphs

2009-02-09T13:38:00.002+08:00

I love this feeling.
This happy surge of... happiness. Bubbling through me like an enjoyable fizz pop.
I feel good, having someone to think about. Someone who is probably thinking of me too.

I hope this works.
I hope the age difference won't get the better of us. Of me...

I think this is the start of something; perfect.

(:

2009-02-08T02:52:00.001+08:00

McCheesy <3

SuperPowers

2009-02-02T00:50:00.003+08:00

BECAUSE I AM OH SO BORED...

I decided I shall look for superpowers to call my own...
I have come up with a few possibilities.

1)Siren: "sonic scream" capable of incapacitating and injuring an opponent's hearing and sending powerful vibrations through the air. She can use these vibrations to fly.
2) Telepathy: broadcasting and receiving thoughts, mind-control, altering perceptions and memories, projection of offensive blasts of psionic energy causing mental pain or unconsciousness, astral projection, mind switching, brain engram modification, mental sedation of unconscious victims, induction of mental pain by touch
3)Manipulation: mentally manipulate the four basic elements of nature (as defined by the classical Greeks): fire, water, earth, and air

Help me decide?? (:

the issue

2009-02-02T00:30:00.002+08:00

I was just looking through pictures of women and I came across this site that said that being Voluptuous is now considered FAT?
I mean what happened to men wanting tits and ass?
What happened to feeling the soft flesh of your lovers' body as you're making sweet sweet love?

But you see, there's a catch here.

I asked a few of my guy friends if they like skinny girls. Any they're all like "no i prefer girls with a bit of flesh on them"

now the question is, what is "a bit"?

I think I need someone to define this for me.

But still, no matter what they say, they still look at skinny girls and call them hot. Now what is the logic in that?
They say that they want flesh on their women, but look at skinny girls?

They will never be happy will they?
When will women be accepted for who they are?
Minus all the insecurities, the weight issues, the hair, the nails, the skin.
When will girls with a bit more to love be called beautiful in modern context?

How I long to be called beautiful...

cross the bridge, face the consequence

2009-02-02T00:12:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry, I think he's just sexy//// ANYWAY!

I’m sleepin I feel yo hand inside my boxers
baby it’s 5 in the mornin you rubbin on
Oscar know if you wake him up it’s gon be problems
I know you playin with wat ya
Want so I ain’t gon stop ya
just let me open my eyes
so I can watch it you want a
Dose of ya medicine you
wanna see the doctor gon’ take em off
so I can gon’
Lock ya
I call you momma
you call me poppa

I'm sorry, I just found this very amusing hahaha

I decided that i miss having "fun". You know, like coupley fun...

And today, after a long time.
I felt myself pine for him.
And when I say him, I mean Pravin.
As in my ex.
As in the one who cheated on me.
I think i'm depressing.

But I miss him,
everysinglefuckingday...

ANYHOOO...

while other little girls wanted to be ballerina's, I wanted to be a vampire.
I STILL DO ANYWAY...
<3

2009-02-01T01:43:00.001+08:00

Screenwriting assignments done,
I feel really good about myself.

I need to expand on my FYP script!

I feel tired, drained...

oh well.

2009-01-29T19:44:00.001+08:00

holding out for a hero <3

Z?

2009-01-25T13:36:00.001+08:00

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

zpct ;D

no more

2009-01-25T13:25:00.001+08:00

And this is the final straw.
The final blow below the belt.
I WILL forget everything.
I WILL not hope anymore.
I WILL erase you.

and I shall suffer, in silence. and probably in pain too.
but thats life, no?

Priceless

2009-01-24T11:26:00.000+08:00

I remember when I'd run to you
In field of white flowers
Your embrace is my air
How I needed you there
And all of the world and
All of it's powers
Couldn't keep your love from me no
Couldn't keep your love from me
Cause I need you
Like the dragonflies' wings need the wind
Like the orphan needs home once again
Like heaven needs more to come in
I need you here like you've always been
Then I waved goodbye to you
From a field of white flowers
You were so proud of me
I was too proud to see that
All of the world and
All of it's power
Couldn't keep your love from me no
Couldn't keep your love from me
Cause I need you
Like the dragonflies' wings need the wind
Like the orphan needs home once again
Like heaven needs more to come in
I need you here like you've always been
Taking for granted
(taking for granted)
And all of her smiles
Could not be reminded
You got away
And now I'm looking up to you
From a field of white flowers
You were so proud of me
I'm so proud of you
All of the world and
All of it's power
Couldn't keep your love from me no
Couldn't keep your love from me
Cause I need you
Like the dragonflies' wings need the wind
Like the orphan needs home once again
Like heaven needs more to come in
I need you here
I need you
Like the dragonflies' wings need the wind
Like the orphan needs home once again
Like heaven needs more to come in
I need you here like you've always been
La da da da...

Photography

2009-01-23T19:54:00.003+08:00

So I was browsing through deviant today, and I saw such awesome photos...
Makes me wanna take up photography...

Pretty picture no?

Credits go to mish-mosh for the photo.
This photo is used for purely personal use and non-commercial (:

2009-01-23T16:11:00.001+08:00

After looking at digital painting, i've decided that i wanna get myself a tablet and pen (:

MONEY MONEY MONEY...

You Oughta Know

2009-01-23T12:49:00.000+08:00

"You Oughta Know"

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

'cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

'cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

Well, I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Connect the dots

2009-01-21T13:29:00.001+08:00

If your feet hurt,
from walking too much.
Then I will tend to them,
with a velvet touch.
If your lungs just don't wanna,
work today.
Then I'll perform a mouth-to-mouth,
until you're okay.

Don't you just love,
the feeling of my fingertips,
Circling your lips?
Don't you just love,
the desire taking hold of you?
I can tell you do.
I know all your favorite spots,
And tonight we will connect the dots.

If your muscles are wound up and tight,
Then I will loosen up the knots,
until it feels right.
If your ears just ache from listening,
Then I'll supply the remedy,
In the melodies I'll sing.

Don't you just love,
the feeling of my fingertips,
Circling your lips?
Don't you just love,
the desire taking hold of you?
Well I can tell you do.
I know all your favorite spots,
and tonight we will connect the dots.

Don't you just love,
the feeling of my fingertips,
Circling your lips?
Don't you just love,
the desire taking hold of you?
Well I can tell you do.
I know all your favorite spots,
And tonight we will connect the dots.

Laughter!

2009-01-20T01:47:00.001+08:00

Today, I laughed so hard.
Its been awhile since i've laughed that hard.
Till I was holding my tummy as it ached.
And I laughed some more.

HAHAHAHHAHAHA

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

JASMINE my wifeyyyyy to be <3

ANGIE my girlfrienddddd always and foreverr <3

HAHAHAHAHAH

PICTURES UP ON FACEBOOK!

):

2009-01-19T00:25:00.003+08:00

There are things that I am very sure of.

I'm not elegant or suave.
I'm clumsy, I'm dorky.
I stutter when I can't think straight.
I get lost for words, and it annoys me.
My face turns red and hot when i'm embarressed.

I give too much.
I take too many beatings for a person I care for.
I get ignored but I still try and try to maintain something.

I try too hard sometimes, much more than I should.
I'm open with my feelings, I'm fast to love.
I'm fast to care.
I'm fast to give in.

I fall to hard.
I fall completely.

I can't stop.

My optimism seeks refuge even in the smallest of scenarios of hope.

I trip over my own feet.

I laugh too loud.

But within all this, I know that;

I'm immensely loving.
When I give, I give it all.
But I don't expect anything in return.
I love spending time with people I care for.
I look for every opportunity to be with them.
Even if I have to sacrifice something else.
I've done it before, I'll do it again. I'll keep doing it.

I'm hopeless.
I'm needy.
I crave for love.

I'm Clarissa Glass.

This is my sad story...

You're worth living for

2009-01-19T00:14:00.001+08:00

There are things in this world
That I don't understand
Like love, war, gravity
Or the lay of the land
But all of these, remain mysteries
One thing is for sure
You are worth living for.

Sometimes when I'm far away from you
I get a little lost, a little out of my element
I miss the way your body burns
When we melt alone.

There are things in this world
That I don't understand
Like love, war, gravity
Or the lay of the land
But all of these, remain mysteries
One thing is for sure
You are worth living for.

Sometimes when I let my mind run free
It never fails and it goes right to you
And a smile takes a hold of me
I've missed the way your body burns
When we melt alone.

There are things in this world
That I don't understand
Like love, war, gravity
Or the lay of the land
But all of these, remain mysteries
One thing is for sure
You are worth living for.

There are things in this world
That I don't understand
Like love, war, gravity
Or the lay of the land
But all of these, remain mysteries
One thing is for sure
You are worth living for

Staplegunned

2009-01-18T03:29:00.001+08:00

Do I have to spell it out for you?
or scream it in your face?
Oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place
Do I have to spell it out for you?
or whisper in your ear?
Oh just stop right there
I think that we've got something here

I want you staplegunned right to my side all of the time

Get off your High Horse Lady

2009-01-16T22:08:00.002+08:00

I have so much work to do...

what am i doing bloggin??

ergh

it was nice that you txted me today, it shows that you do miss me and that makes me happy.
why must you be so far away?
why can't you be here?
why can't i allow myself to be selfish and call you all mine?
make you all mine.
you are mine.
always have, always will be.

you're special <3

2009-01-15T16:06:00.002+08:00

I know whats itching at you...

I was the best you ever had, will ever have.

and that knowledge is killing you, I can smell it off you like a sick green stench.

why why why?

2009-01-14T21:57:00.000+08:00

Oh here it comes again
That funny feelin again winding me up inside
Every time we touch
Hey I dont know
Just tell me where to begin cause I never ever
Felt so much

No I cant recall any love at all
Baby this blows em all away

Its got what it takes
So tell me why cant this be love??
Straight from my heart oh tell me why
Cant this be love
I tell myself
Hey only fools rush in
and only time will tell
If we stand the test of time
All I know
You've got to run to win and
I'll be damned if
I'll get hung up on the line

Tell me why cant this be love
Baby why cant this be love
Got to know why cant this be love
I wanna know why cant this be love

2009-01-14T21:54:00.000+08:00

I'm still trying...

still.

heh

2009-01-12T22:30:00.000+08:00

I dreamt about you last night
I didn't want to wake up
It was just too perfect.

and I had a hat, heh

2009-01-09T16:45:00.002+08:00

WHY DO I KEEP ATTRACTING INDIANS????

THIS ISNT FAIR!

this is the year of CHINESE!

GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE

Saved

2009-01-07T22:32:00.001+08:00

I felt like I was withering away...

I felt like I couldn't find myself anymore...

But I was saved...

I was saved by Kings Of Leon!

:D

Burn It To The Ground;

2009-01-05T22:45:00.001+08:00

well it's midnight, damn right, we're wound up too tight
I've got a fist full of whiskey, the bottle just bit me
ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh
that shit makes me bat shit crazy
we've got no fear, no doubt, all in balls out

We're going off tonight
to kick out every light
to get anything that we want
To drink everything in sight
We're going till the world stops turning
while we burn it to the ground tonight
ooooohhhhhhh

we're screaming like demons, swinging from the ceiling
I got a fist full of fifties, the tequilia just hit me
ooooohhhhh
we got no class, no taste, no shirt, and shit faced
we got it lined up, shot down, firing back straight crown

We're going off tonight
to kick out every light
to get anything that we want
To drink everything in sight
We're going till the world stops turning
while we burn it to the ground tonight
ooooohhhhhhh

ticking like a time bomb, drinking till the nights gone
well get your hands off of this glass, last call my ass
weeelllll no chain, no lock, and this train won't stop
we got no friend, no tab, all in balls out

We're going off tonight
to kick out every light
to get anything that we want
To drink everything in sight
We're going till the world stops turning
while we burn it to the ground tonight
ooooohhhhhhh
We're going off tonight
to kick out every light
to get anyything that we want
To drink everything in sight
We're going till the world stops turning
while we burn it to the ground tonight

sigh...

2009-01-04T23:53:00.000+08:00

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we're not
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm feigning.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possesion
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
I play it off but im dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

2009-01-04T14:01:00.000+08:00

he took my heart.
I think he took my soul...

Thank You's

2009-01-04T00:52:00.002+08:00

Long overdue list of thank yous for 2008.

Mum
For being so considerate during the trying time of my breakup. For always listening even when I don't want to talk. For forgiving me when I do stupid things. Or when I don't do things at all.
Thank You.

Dad
For being so so cool. You have no idea how much I show you off to my friends. They're all pretty jealous of you. For letting me drink to my fullest that night. For always asking if I wanna go out clubbing. For forgiving me when I stayed at the chalet without your permission.
Thank You.

Grandma
For just ALWAYS being there. For doing small things for me that make me so guilty that i'm making you do it.
Thank You.

Naomi
For being that annoying little sister haha. For being understanding. For being on my side (most of the time) and for not telling them about that.
Thank You.

Aaron
For being the best brother anyone could have. For listening to me, for putting up with my nonsense. For not judging. For just being you.
Thank You.

Andrea
For forgiving me after what I did. I know its a bit different now, but you know that i'll always love you. It'll be okay for us. Just give it time.
Thank You.

Angie
For being this bubble of hyperness and never failing to me make me laugh. For all those bumper stickers, really they make a difference. You'll be fine, trust me.
Thank You.

Ben
For being so close to me even after such a short time of really knowing each other. For being honest all the time, even though it stings sometimes, I like it. You really open my mind out to things.
Thank You

Dion
For being a supportive friend after all this time. For always making me laugh. For keeping me company during all those drawing classes, for being patient and teaching me techniques on how to draw well.
Thank You

Germaine and Gina
For going to TOC and FFAF with me! For being a joy to be around. For cheering me up that day and for all the music.
Thank You

Zack
For making an impact in my 08. For those times when we thought something would happen. For all the movie talk.
Thank You

Mark
For being awesome. For making me feel special. Although we don't know what the future has in store for us, we'll always be friends. People so alike in so many ways can't not be friends.
Thank You

IKEA pals
I love you all! Its really been a joy working with you all. It makes working worthwhile. For making IKEA my second home. For all the laughs, the sharing; joy and pain.
Thank You

SCHOOL pals
No I didn't forget you all.
Though small, everyone of you made an impact in my life. I'll never forget TP Design. Never. The best years of my life.
Thank You

Lecturers
For always being there for me when I need help. For being so cool and open-minded. For all the knowledge you bestowed upon me.
Thank You

Nicole
Although we've grown further and further apart this year, you'll always be my cousin, and i'll always love you. For all the times I cried in your room.
Thank You

Marie
I love you girl. We became really close this year. The movie outings and just outings. I can always tell you anything and everything. Thank you for being a becon of hope for me.
Thank You

Tracy
For... you know haha For always being there for me as well. For asking me to go out. For the hugs, the affectionate molestation you've given me.
Thank You

Santa
Yes, thank you for everything. For going for TOC. For the christmas present. Just for being an awesome friend.
Thank You

Andy
For the awesome years we've known each other. For the special way you make me feel. For always being there, though not in flesh but in mind. You'll always be in my heart.
Thank You.

Pravin
For being the biggest impact in 2008. Both good and bad.
For giving me the best time of my life. For the guitar, for the valentines day suprise outing. For always being there. For being a shoulder to cry on. For encouraging me. For helping me in anyway you can.
For all the kisses and hugs.
For your warm hands and affectionate eyes. For all the nights you stayed out late just to be with me. For all our private moments. For the first time at your house. For all the other times. For your presence. For your strength. For you love. For everything.
Thank You.

So goodbye 2008 and hello 2009.

Lets hope its better for us all (:

We'll dance all night

2009-01-04T00:38:00.002+08:00

its so hard for me to do this.
for me to come to the realisation that you are slowly fading away.
the feelings i've felt for you during the past month or two are slowly slipping back into the dark corners of my mind, where every other sad sad memory is stored.

the talk we had that night opened my mind to things.
my heart and brain story which I told frightened me at how atuned I am to my emotions although sometimes i feel totally eradicated from it.

I'm come to terms with my weaknesses,
thus I will learn how to control myself.
To steady my beating heart whenever I feel it taking control over me.

Slowly the feelings are going away.
Slowly they will be all gone.
I will be free again.
To look for love, which you have since lost faith in.

No I have not lost faith in love.
I will continue to pine for love.
I will continue to love wholly and completely as how I always do.

I will love.
And I will thrive on it.

But I will control my heart
Not to love so easily
Not to fall
Not to be ready for breaking.

I am strong.
Always have been.
I guess I have Nick to thank for that.
The memories with him, the ones I always thought i'd never forget, are forgotten.

The memories with Pravin still cling,
but they will be gone soon too. Like with the rest.

And the memories of that day in your house, that very first time, they will be forgotten too.
Sure it hurt, still hurts when I think about it.
But I'm strong,
I'll be fine.

I know I will.

Till then,
I'll wait for love,
I won't go searching.
I'll let it come to me.
And then we'll dance all night.

Hurt

2009-01-02T23:35:00.002+08:00

It hurts that I was not mentioned...
It hurts that even after all we've been through, you still feel sore.
I thought it was all over.
I thought things were okay.
When you said it was okay after I apologized, I assumed that everything would be okay.

I guess not.

I don't blame you I guess...
But it still hurts.

And IF I did a shout out to everyone who made an impact in my life for 08.
You'd be mentioned for sure. But we're two different people. So its different, I suppose.

You're all about love and forgiveness, but I guess its different for me?

I don't know.

It just hurts.

2009-01-02T23:27:00.002+08:00

I was watching John Mayer's concert just now.
I'm so in love with him.

I swear my weakness are guys who play the guitar and sing...
and I SWEAR I wanted to be his mic.
His lips were ON the mic... I could kiss him all day...

And I was just thinking...

if my harddisk were to crash one day... and all my songs where to... vanish...

I think i'll either cry myself silly OR kill myself...

Yeah I think i'll kill myself...

No i'm not loving you anymore.

The Curse

2009-01-02T02:46:00.000+08:00

every time I see an IKEA product, i'll say the name and (if i can) quote the price as well.

its annoying.

the curse of working there.

take me away

2008-12-30T21:51:00.000+08:00

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

I try to make my way to you
but still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
I've seen enough and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

please, please, please...

The Plan

2008-12-29T15:03:00.002+08:00

you start a conversation
it goes great
you like him, he likes you.
then you spend time together
feelings grow deeper
and one day without even realising it
you find out you're in love
time stops
and it feels like the whole is made for just you two.
you two alone.
until one day, one of you leaves
and rips the still beating heart right out of the other
and the other becomes a broken hollow mockery of a human condition

yup thats the plan.

2008-12-29T02:34:00.001+08:00

I will try... again.

2008-12-28T14:54:00.002+08:00

wake up!

Detox

2008-12-26T01:16:00.001+08:00

I'm cleaning you out from my system.

I'm Gonna...

2008-12-23T23:51:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna find myself,
a somebody else

a somebody to love
and who will love me back

to take me as I am
nothing more
nothing less

to take all I have
and return it back to me

Yes,
I'm gonna find myself,
a somebody else.

2008-12-23T14:24:00.001+08:00

I keep doing the same thing over and over.
Even when I told myself that i'd give you space.
Even when I told myself that i'd leave you alone.

But I keep coming back.
And everytime I do, I regret it.

I have never felt so much regret in my life...

2008-12-23T12:30:00.001+08:00

shake shake...
shake shake
ah
shake it!

let me love you...